Thoughts that dare to escape.

Prayer


My momma prayed for me since before I was born, then especially while she was pregnant with me and has for the rest of my born days. In fact, when she was married to her previous husband she asked the Lord for a little girl like her sister had. Her husband was not having another child, so when he died and my mom married my dad and learned she was pregnant, she knew the Lord had fulfilled her hearts desire. She was having a girl. I am the promise of God fulfilled to my momma.

Without fail she prayed and fasted on my behalf all through the pregnancy and has all of my life. The impact of her consistently taking me before the Lord and laying me at His feet even before I was conceived has affected the course of my life like nothing else. Theres no denying it. Gods intervention in every relationship I’ve ever had is so clear. Every decision that’s been made either for me or by me has been unwaveringly affected by the hand of God directing my footsteps just as she requested. My life is like no other and can be lived like no other, simply because I am His and have been His since before I was born.

The power of simply saying to Papa God, “She’s Yours. Take her, keep her and protect her as I am not able. Guide and lead her every footstep. Take her deep into Your heart, revealing the hidden manna of Your kingdom. I submit her to Your Lordship and Kingship.” My heart longs to do that for my children, each and every one of them. I pray I have the same dedication for my children that my mom had in always taking my life before His throne petitioning Him to work on my behalf.

Kevin and I have prayed for our family and children since we were engaged. We have prayed for our family purpose to be known and walked through. We have prayed for this little one on and off since we learned of her conception. But there hasn’t been that deep yearning desire to take her before the Lord on a daily basis or even a weekly basis as i imagined would be burning deep within me. In fact life hasn’t really turned out anything like I imagined it would. In so many ways it is so much better than I ever dreamed.

Before I married Kevin, I imagined what it might be like to be pregnant and how I might respond. My dreams were to soak in His presence every day, inhabiting His glory in the core of my being. I dreamed that my womb would be so filled with His presence, my child would come out declaring the goodness and graciousness of her Father! I dreamed of children redeemed from the curse of the law, knowing the love of the Father in such a deep, personal way from the early years on. I imagined they would declare to me the love of God, bringing wisdom and grace and mercy from the Fathers heart to our home. I imagined a birthing process free from worry and chaos, prophesying over my child as he or she came out. I dreamt of a home that was so filled with the glory and radiant peace of Holy Spirit as He dwelt here, making this place His sanctuary. My heart yearns for these days.

I feel as tho I have wasted this pregnancy on such triviality. Jesus, I want to carry out the remainder of this pregnancy by your side, basking in Your glorious presence, birthing Your child into this world in peace, grace and love finding favor in Your eyes. Teach me to be the mother You created me to be for this child You are entrusting me. I need Your wisdom and grace and favor like never before to walk out the coming years with this little one. Teach me how to love this child in the manner she needs to be loved, how to submit to and respect my husband in the way he needs and walk humbly and justly before You. Teach me how to juggle all of those rolls and live them in the fullest. This is all unto You and for Your glory alone I do this. I love You so insatiably much. You are worth every breath I have to breathe. You are beyond excellence and perfection. You make my heart sing. Thank you for Your grace and patience and kindness toward me. I am forever indebted to You my King, my Lord and my lover!

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