Thoughts that dare to escape.

Category Archives: Thoughts

Birthday-ness

Well, I am officially 25 years old. Its hard to believe that I’m already 25 and yet on the other hand I can’t believe I’m only 25. I remember my oldest brother turning 25, giving him a card saying he was a quarter of a century old. Thinking it was o so funny. I can imagine him giving me a similar card if he were still here.

To be 25 has had a lot of expectation placed over the years. The shoulders of 25 have been weighed down by years of ideals and vows and dreams. To say I’m a bit dissapointed and disheartened would only be the truth. The things I expected to accomplish, the places I had planned to see, the relationship with my Bridegroom I thought I would have, the relationships I dreamt of having and the jobs I would be doing were all to be done when I was young. I can hear you saying now, “Hun, you are young. This is only the beginning.” Yes, that is so very true. But to understand, this was what I had “planned” for my life from a very young teenager. I had said to myself, “The age of 25, people no longer look at you as a child. You are now classified as a legit adult. No more mistakes can be made once the chapter of 24 is gone. No more trying to figure out who you are. No more being excused because your young and just don’t know any better.” So turning 25 is for me what turning 30 is for a lot of people. I feel that I had great and mighty things to do for the Lord as a young person and now, those days are over. I feel I have let my Father down in not pursuing Him wholeheartedly as a young person. That for me is the folly of youth.

Being 24 hours on the other side of 25, I find myself so overwhelmed with gratitude and thankfulness for God’s sovereignty and kindness towards me. In spite of my rebellion and lack of passion and faithfulness to Him, He is and always has pursued me. I find myself incredibly blessed in spite of none of my plans panning out. Nothing has happened the way I wanted, thought or planned, and yet my life is so very lush. His goodness cannot be matched.

To be 25 and a mom of the most beautiful little girl, a wife to a deeply adoring man, a friend to some amazing people on the planet, a daughter to the best, most wonderful parents and niece to an incredible aunt. How can one not look at her life and see His grace, His faithfulness and His love so evident in every relationship. I may not be where I thought I would be or where I planned to be, but my life is pretty darn amazing. I’m so thankful He doesn’t listen to us and our lives don’t turn out how we expect or plan. In all of His mercy and sovereignty, our lives happen exactly how He has orchestrated.

Father, please forgive me for the vows and the unhealthy expectations I have placed on my life and the lives of those around me. Thank you for loving us so unconditionally, so extravagantly and so passionately. Papa, You are so faithful and majestic and kind. Please keep Your goodness before my eyes. May I always remember Your kindness, Your love and Your sovereignty. Thank You for always being with me and pursuing me even when I don’t recognize that its You. Thank you for preserving and protecting me. Thank You for giving me such an incredibly beautiful family. May I always cherish the relationships You have placed in my life, never taking for granted all that You have given me. Thank you for ordering my steps and calling me by name!

Some goals for the next 75 years. 1) To be more thankful of everyone in my life. 2) To be purposeful in loving each person who comes into my life. 3) To not whine or complain about anything. 4) To love God more passionately than the day before. 5) To live wholly and healthily.

Here’s to the next 75!

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